147 (acrylic abstract painting)

I've done some snooker-related abstract paintings and knew I'd do one called "147" one day. Here it is done quickly in a couple of sittings while I looked after Alfie one afternoon. As he enjoys standing in the bay window barking at passing dogs I brought some paints downstairs and kept keep him company. At the time I wasn't sure what to paint. I'd bought a big piece of board and cut it up into lots of A3 sizes. They have the proportions of a miniature snooker table so I thought I'd paint something snooker-related. I could have painted anything though. I only have to pick up a bit of blank wood or canvas board and I get restless and feel urges to cover it with colours.

I can see a paint brush in one of these photos but I can't remember using one - only a small trowel knife. I watched A Place In The Sun while doing it, no doubt following a couple in their twenties who had £330,000 to spend (where do they young folk get these huge wads of cash from?) I couldn't be bothered painting round balls so I daubed in a bit of brown to represent the table perimeter and then some green for the baize. I made it up from there, jollying myself along putting all the colours of the balls in there somewhere.

Ronnie O' Sullivan holds the record for the fastest 147 break, done in 5 minutes 20 seconds. Steve Davis did the first 147 break caught on television in 1982 but E.J. Murt O'Donogue did the first officially recognised one when playing the legendary John Davis in 1955. I've never even made a break of 30 and I've had a snooker table for a few years. Moreover I've never found anything I'm good at in life yet but you have to keep trying don't you. I'm quite good at melting into a crowd and following people so perhaps I should be a private detective or stalker. I'm also quite good at licking out Cadbury Cream eggs and making helmets for a typical Action Man.

You can buy special snooker ball cleaner on the internet for £10 but I use Fairy Liquid and warm water. There're special brushes you can use to clean the baize but I use duct tape to get the bits up, run the vacuum cleaner over it and then iron it flat.

Anyway, here's the painting done mainly with a 25 pence knife (four knives for £1.) I glossed it and pushed it into a frame and it's ready to post. I'm sure the wall of your snooker room has a space inviting this bit of art. In keeping with its name it can be yours for £1470. Failing a sale I'll put it in the attic with my collection of antique wooden toilet seats (some with original stains.)

Alfie just wants to go out...