Beef Stew Suits You!

 

Here is small painting showing someone throwing beef stew over someone. Looking at the photos it's one I started years ago when I had the house in Todmorden. I enjoyed doing it, especially painting on that flying beef stew. Being vegetarian I'm assuming its Quorn beef. If the woman in the painting had a dog I'm sure it would wolf down all that stew, no need for a vacuum cleaner.

 

Where does a such an odd painting come from? Have you previously seen a painting of someone drenching someone else in food? No, nor me. I'd like to see more of them hanging on gallery walls. It's based on an article I read years ago, the true episode in a woman's life who'd forgiven her husband's adultery and saved their marriage. Over recent months the woman had suspected her husband had been unfaithful but only had an instinct. Evidence presented itself while she was driving on a rural lane and suffered a puncture. She set about looking for the jack. Being a little flustered she didn't initially lift the boot's floor to get at the spare wheel. She saw a small side door which, upon opening, was obviously used to access the rear light bulbs. A packet of condoms fell out which had been opened. This was a shock as her husband had had a vasectomy operation.

 

The woman was so upset she did nothing for a few weeks except check on the condoms. When they were depleted another packet appeared. Her husband was often away on business but the supply went down even when he wasn't away. The couple were highly social so she didn't know who to suspect. Being a timid woman who shied away from confrontation she took the condoms out and soaked them overnight in tiger chilli pepper juice (made from a very hot chilli), dried them and then put them back in the car. At a later date three friendly couples were to attend a concert but one couple couldn't make it as the woman had become suddenly ill. Later it transpired she'd been taken to hospital with her undercarriage "on fire", thinking it a suspected nasty infection (the other friend described it as a "fanny fire".) The woman had deduced who her husband was being unfaithful with. Later at a function she saw unmistakably knowing eye contact between her husband and Burnt-Box woman and threw a plate of hot stew over her. Finalising the story she forgave her friend, her husband and things had healed for the better. The general arrow of story was of salvage and resolve (the article failed to mention the husband's manservant which must surely have been burnt to a stump.)

 

Anyway this painting is the result of the above. It went well and didn't need rescuing from the brink...though I'm sure the whole thing needs rescuing. You can buy this piece for your dining room wall and when your guests are boring you about their weekend in Grimethrope, overactive thyroid, new cushioned toilet seat or spaniel's groin growth you can divert their attention away onto the painting. It's yours for 8,462 and I can post it off tomorrow after I've taken my neighbour Mrs Thorndike to the doctor's (while sunbathing nude she sneezed violently and hasn't seen her mobile phone since.)