Businessman With Great Dane

Once per week I take someone's dog for a vigorous walk while his owner goes food shopping. Left alone in the house it chews the furniture and pulls the wallpaper off the wall. It's like an impatient husky dog and pulls me around for ninety minutes. On one street I often pass a young woman on the other side of the road who is also being pulled by a Great Dane. The dogs try to pull us both into the road. I've never spoken to her but we nod at one another, unable to release a hand to wave. I thought I would paint a Great Dane. Once I was visiting London and was sat on a bench looking onto Hyde Park. On the next bench was sat a pin-striped suit and trilby with a huge dog sat next to him watching the rich folk canter by one their horses. I thought I'd try to paint them.

As the main feature was the Great Dane I painted it from the side and the man from the back (easier). I put on a radio drama (Cooking In a Bedsitter) which made the white canvas easier to face and got started. I couldn't be bothered painting the chap's pin striped suit so he's in a simple black one. What should I do with that background? I'd finished a painting before this one and included an evening sky. I'd mixed too much paint so I used it on this canvas using loose brush strokes. I bobbed in a few buildings on the horizon.

Can you tell the businessman is looking down and probably reading? Hope so. Painting that Great Dane wasn't too difficult once I'd done the outline - square jaw, floppy ears and a sleek body. It's thought they're as bright as an average three-year-old child and know over two hundred words. They haven't always had a good deal in life: German nobility used them to protect their country estates and hunt boar as other breeds weren't big enough. They're lucky if they pass eight years old.

Most photos I saw on the internet had patchy coats but some were single colours. For ease I thought I'd smear on a brownish shade. I bobbed in the black nose and black eyes and struggled a little with that floppy ear. I went to the toilet and on my return saw there wasn't much more I could do more (not talented enough.) I finished the bench and had a bit of Parkin cake and a frothy coffee to celebrate the thing being completed without a disaster.

The could be yours for £16,880. Perhaps you know someone who was slightly obsessed by Scooby Doo as a child. Normally it would be £80 but I was out cruising in the Datson listening to a hypnosis cassette (How To Attract Hot Chicks In Sixty Seconds - Even Though You Still Wear Y-Fronts.) The hypnosis put me to sleep and I crashed into a truck delivering 30 tons of rum and raison ice cream. I said I'd cover their costs.