Cat Watching Cigarette Smoke

Now that vaping is the new smoking you see plumes of smoke departing car windows don’t you? The first time I witnessed this I was sat in a traffic jam and two men in the car in front of me must have lit some vapes (or whatever you do.) I didn’t know this so when thick smoke wafted out of both front windows I thought the car was on fire. Now it's quite common to see thick plumes of smoke isn't it? Surely there’ll be an explosion of mouth cancer in the future.

Another time I witnessed something similar was when I was in London looking for the apartment where actor Dirk Bogarde lived and died. It’s in a posh rabbit warren of streets and squares in Chelsea and I got a bit lost and had to have a rest. I sat myself on a doorstep leading into a mansion block and had a coffee from the flask. A cat appeared from nowhere and I threw it a bit of cheese. I heard a door close and stood up to apologise as I'm sure people don't want strangers on their steps. However it was the door to the next block and a pair of legs suddenly protruded from one of the doorway. A jet of sideways-travelling smoke appeared before its triangular shape dissipated. The cat was mesmerised by the smoke. I didn't see the woman smoking - just the legs sticking out. As the cat craned its neck to watch the smoke the lady blasted out thicker stronger smoke jets that travelled three or four feet (pity she couldn't do smoke rings.)

I always remembered this and here is a painting to ensure I never forget it. It was done using oil paints which I haven't used for months. I'd forgotten how messy and malleable they are. It went to plan, no damage-limitation stuff, no salvation jobs to do. I had one go at getting that smoke right and stood up to do it for some reason.

I’m a little skint this week so I’ll have to charge £8226 for this painting. By accident I dropped an ice cream on the crotch of a nun sitting on a park bench and when I retrieved it she knocked me out with a mighty head-butt. I’ve had to pay a surgeon to reset my jaw. £8200 will do, I suppose. I can post it off to you tomorrow morning after I've polished my nipple ring.