Cheeky Cow

Sometimes on a sunny Sunday afternoon I get urges to see rural Cheshire. I usually head for the "Cheshire Triangle" which - in my mind anyway - is a splendid semi-rural area between Jodrell Bank, Capesthorne Hall and Gawsworth Hall. The fields, fauna and fences there seem to typify Cheshire for some reason. I like to pass Long Lane which is about 20 feet long.

Once I ended up at Jodrell Bank and got licked so lovingly by some cows I thought I'd paint one. I'd visited my Aunty Norma in nearby Middlewich but the big gates were locked so I aimlessly drove to Jodrell Bank telescope and parked up on a quiet back road (the people in the car with steamed up windows must have been drinking some very hot soup.) A unobstructed view across the field to the huge tipping dish nearly persuaded me to stay for the night. After a walk I thought I’d have a shower and something to eat. I put some slop resembling food on the hob and got in the shower. I left the side door of the motor home open in the hope that some lost hungry Swedish hitchhiker babes may call by to sample my vegetarian log roulade (to no avail.) When I stepped out of the shower the aroma of the nut cutlet burger-sur-la-banana (or whatever slop I was making) had the curiosity of some cows. A few had gathered by the gate and were looking in.

I got out and let them lick me in exchange for a few stokes of their huge heads. Their curiosity manifested itself in them sniffing my clothes and outstretched hands. I love cows - especially their long eye lashes. You never seem to get an ugly one. They’re so frightened considering their sheer heft. They seem such a peaceable animal. It’s outside the fence of my understanding why anyone can have them slaughtered to eat. A man who rented a flat once told me he’d worked in a slaughterhouse and said the cows eyes widened knowingly as they entered the building.

As the cows had a thorough lick of me I thought I’d try to paint one. I took some close-up photos but they came out blurred. I did this painting though, just a quick thing on a small canvas. As cows seem capable of licking a watch off your wrist I thought I’d have a tongue on show. This painting all went well and was soon finished. It came together so quickly I didn’t take many photos of its progress. Normally I do the first layer in acrylic paint and the remainder in oil paint. The acrylic version looked bearable though so I tickled it along and didn’t bother with any oils.

I’m sure you’d like this one as it’s agreeable. I’ve coated it in some waterproof gloss so you could hang this in your stables - it could take a few splashes from a runaway hosepipe. If you paypal me £4262 I’ll mail it to you after ninja class tomorrow morning.