When I drive up to Scarborough I start feeling excited when I reach Staxton village....another fifteen minutes and I’ll see the ocean. The traffic lights on the A64 always seem to turn red when they see me. I don’t mind though as it prolongs the excitement. I always look across to the right to the fields. Recently one field was strewn with hay bales and they looked artistic I thought I'd take a photograph. I knew they'd soon be moved or wrapped them up in plastic sheets. I parked up in the outside The Hare & Hounds pub and entered the field.
I liked the long curvature of the terrain and the way sun tinted the tops of the bales a golden colour. I tried to roll one of those big bales but it wouldn't move in inch. How long had it taken to grow hay here? Was there a hefty profit in it? I remember someone telling me these big bales sell for about £30 so this field wouldn’t reap much profit. Would they make more money growing saffron, flowers or ginseng? Recently I got chatting with a woman in a queue in Wilkinson's and she’d bought one small stick of bamboo for £2 (must have a pet panda at home.) I know it's impossible to grow rice or bamboo in the UK; from reading the papers it seems most popular crops these days are those of cannabis.
This painting flowed well and there wasn’t the usual repair job to do. I did it quickly using a small trowel while watching an episode of Dr Quincy (I'd forgotten how often he was in a bad mood and started ranting.) For small details the trowel was too cumbersome so I resorted to using a brush. I should have used a bigger piece of board as I could only dab in the suggestion of bales further down the field. I added a few trees to use up excess paint. On the day I visited the field there was an annual scarecrow competition further along the road (most wore better clothes than mine) and I thought about adding a scarecrow. I doubt you’d see one in a hayfield, though.
Anyway, the bit of board was soon filled up and heavier due to smeared-on acrylic paint. It can be yours for £8466. You could hang it on a wall in your indoor bowling alley. Perhaps the owner of the Hare and Hounds pub opposite the field would like it. Strolling back to the motorhome a woman clearing a table outside the pub was watching me (it would be unusual to see someone be in the field.) She might want to buy this painting and hang it in the pub in exchange for a free vegetarian log roast with nut cutlets and chips. Doubt it...in the meantime I'll put it in the attic with the spiders, skulls and my enviably huge collection of aeroplane sick bags.