Hollyoaks Heat



One night I was sat on the couch with fried egg and chips on my lap watching an Auf Wiedersehen Pet DVD. The telephone rang so I stopped the DVD. While chatting away I saw Hollyoaks was on and was heating up a bit. I decided to leave Auf Wiedersehen Pet until later. On the screen a woman had invited a man back to her place for yet another no-doubt doomed/ romantic/prurient/incestuous/intense/immoral entanglement (I used to watch Hollyoaks when it first started as it was filmed in the North West but, like a block Stilton cheese, it went off a bit.)

Iíve got one of those televisions where you can pause a live transmission. I stopped it in the hope of getting something that would spur a romantic painting. I got lucky. I paused the programme at a crucial hot snogging moment. I fetched a small canvas and sketched the general outlines of the faces.


As you can see from the photos I got on with it but things went a bit wrong. Every painting runs in trouble and needs saving but this was almost beyond repair after I dropped a piece of Swiss Roll cake onto the palette. I noticed this when the bits I were pushing around the canvas werenít flecks of hard paint but spongy cake. I got so carried away I even dipped my brush in the white fluffy cream rather than the white paint. What a berk - I thought the weave of the canvas wasnít taking the paint properly. Oh well.


I lost interest and felt I couldnít save the painting. I was going to chuck it but thought I had about an hour before going downstairs for some supper. I decided to play The Eagles Greatest Hits CD and told himself I would paint for as long as the album lasted. As the last song played out I said to myself, ďThatís it, donít waste another minute on it.Ē I didnít even bother signing it and washed my brushes. I didnít throw it away Ė after all it represents about fours hours of life Iíll never get back.


Using a knife I nicked out some of the sponge cake still but left some in and have shown a close-up photo here. You canít win them all.