Home Office

Some newspapers and magazines don't mind embarrassing famous folk. They print photographs of people with red arrows pointing out cellulite, overhanging fat, lack of underwear, stained clothes, smudged fake tan and protruding bunions. I read an article in the paper showing former Home Secretary Amber Rudd a little worse for wear after her resignation. The gist was how drawn and weary she looked compared with the previous day when dressed up. I cut it out and kept as I liked the blend of colours. I scrunched up my eyes and made the colours blurry and they seemed to compliment each another.

I put the article on my desk and one day - with surfeit creative energy to burn off - I made use of it. I pulled out a photo frame and started daubing paint on the board in the back of it. I had the newspaper article on my bed and kept turning around to glimpse the colours and after some smearing here and there the thing was complete. What can I say - I liked the colours. I wasn't sure what to call it but Amber Rudd worked for the Home Office so I thought that will do.

You can see the boxer Joe Frazier on the screen. Data download: Joe's first punch bag was a bag filled with clothes he found around the house, his nickname “Smokin’” Joe Frazier came from his coach who tells him to make his gloves smoke at the start of every fight, he worked in a slaughterhouse before becoming a boxer (inspiration for the “Rocky” films) , he cut his gold Olympic medal into 11 sections for his 11 children, by 30 he was blind in one eye, his left hook was responsible for nearly all his 27 knockouts, he was so generous he was forced to sell his boxing gym when he was diagnosed with diabetes, he found he had liver cancer when it was too late (only made it to 67.)

Oddly this unusual painting looks alright on the wall. I sat on the couch looking at it (while stroking my ocelot) and thought it bearable. As everything except my hard drives, collection of antique commodes and buttocks are for sale this can be yours for £8060. Normally it would be £60 but I've recently bought the toilet roll Napolean Bonaparte was using when he died for £8,000 (there're teeth marks on it) and I need to recover the outlay.