Hump Near Dump

When I'm grave-hunting in summertime I often see ladybirds. Sometimes the time-blackened headstones are dotted with as many as twenty ladybirds having a snooze. Lots of them are mating and they seem to be able to continue this while flying from one headstone to another. Once I saw two mating a just few millimetres away from a dog pooh. I suppose creatures don't think like us human beings do they? Nor do animals as I remember seeing some sheep grazing a few feet away from a dead cow.

I thought I’d commit this memory of the ladybirds to a small canvas (it's not really a painting.) I bought some joke dog poohs and ladybirds thought I'd stick them on a canvas. I painted the canvas is two short sessions, the first one in falling darkness (I had to use a torch.) I finished it the next day in daylight while I was minding Marley the Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Later I saw Darcy the cat was on the doorstep wanting to come in so he came and witnessed this abysmal painting come together. I've noticed that fake poohs have improved since I was a lad; they used to be made of hard plastic but now you can get rubbery ones coated with a strange wet chemical. I remember seeing an advert for an inflatable doll that broadcast it had "ever-moist nipples" so it must be the same chemical.

Someone with a puerile sense of humour might like this painting - meaning half of the population. I’m sure you might like this for your lounge wall. You could hang it on the wall and monitor your servant's face when they notice it. It can be in a Jiffy Bag and behind your door within 48 hours for £488. I did another one for my own bathroom (see "Plop Drop") but I haven't got a bathroom so I throw this one in for free.