Mars bar walk

Once I year walk up to Stoodley Pike which you regularly spot on the skyline when walking around Todmorden and Hebden Bridge. I parked up near Lumbutts village and had a coffee and a sandwich in the car while I listened to the end of a radio drama. A couple in parked up a few feet in front of me and even before they switched off the engine I could hear them arguing. As they got out the heated words continued and stopped when they saw me munching away. Doors slammed and they set off together. It looked like this was a daily occurrence like having a cup of tea or a visit to the toilet.

I set off ascending the high hill but thought I’d eat a Mars bar only when I reached the top. I was listening to a play set in a posh school. The pike was completed in 1856 at the end of the Crimean War and is still in good condition bearing in mind it's exposed to all weathers. There used to be monument there before (commemorating the defeat of Napoleon and the surrender of Paris) but it was struck by lightning and collapsed in 1854

I didn’t pass many walkers as it was a windy day. The higher up I walked the higher the volume of tinnitus of whipping winds and I could hardly hear the play (even on full volume.) It was too windy for comfort. Some dogs I passed had their fur parted by the wind that I could see their pink skin. Once when I hiked up to the pike the wind was so powerful it sucked a contact lense from my eye and made my cheeks so numb I couldn't speak clearly.

Passing a few hardy walkers I reached the pike. Normally I ascend the steps to the balcony but that side of the pike was facing the wind so I didn’t bother. Perhaps someone loved the film The 39 Stepsare there are....er....39 steps to access the balcony. In the past some courageous people have come up here to fit some lightning protection up the tower (it’s working as it's been struck by lightning a few times.)

The trip downhill is normally enjoyable but this time I was facing the brunt of the wind. The zip on my jacket is broken and the Velcro patches couldn’t hold it shut. I passed a man trying to wear out his Collie dog by throwing a stick. I threw it a few times for the tireless hound, slightly curious by the great tendrils of hair emerging from its owners bulbrous red nose (a classic boozer's nose.) Many words of chat were taken by the wind so we came downward and resumed chatting there. eventually I made my way down and struck off to the right to a specific field. I wanted so see if a homemade sign was still there (it wasn’t.) The sign used to say, “Please do not let your dog defecate in my field.” You rarely see/hear the word “defecate” nowadays.

Returning to the car I warmed myself up with a coffee and a chocolate roll. The car belonging to the arguing couple was still there. It wouldn’t surprise me if one had murdered the other. A jogger passed me, most of his behind covered in mud but he was probably glad of the slip as mud doesn’t half keep you warm (being the chubby one at school I was often in goals and a nice layer of dried mud offered some insulation.) I need a new zip for my jacket - or bigger Velcro patches. Astronauts have a small piece of Velcro in their helmets should they get an itchy nose. During the first heart surgery procedures Velcro was used to hold the heart together. It was invented by a Swiss man called Georges de Mestral after he took his dog for walks and noticed certain weeds stuck to his pants and his dog.