Sorry Madam, I Didn't See Hairy Thing...I Mean Anything

I'm not sure where the idea for this came from but when I was about eight years old I was at a friend's house. We were playing with our toys on the landing (can’t mention names here.) The boy knocked on the door of the bathroom. Without any hesitation his mum opened the door about two feet wearing nothing but bath water. I was a bit naive and just thought women had two bums - a main one used to sit on bus seats and a small spare one at the front where combs and loose change could be stored (was very naive - only thought men and women could marry if the man was older/taller, didn’t know spaghetti came from anything other than a tin, thought you couldn't die before age 75, thought it was illegal to eat an After Eight mint before 8pm.)

His mum, in her thirties at the time, said she would be finished soon and closed the door. We must have returned to playing with our Starsky and Hutch/Evel Knievel toys on the landing. I just thought his mum must have been doing some painting in the bathroom as I was sure I’d seen a sort of black hairy paintbrush thing half way down her body.

The Freudian Slip title came from watching Cheers box set. Cliff Clavan, one of the bar regulars who still lives under his mothers rule and roof, defined a Freudian Slip as “saying one thing when you mean amother.” So I thought the porter/concierge chap in this painting could fluff his line.

For years I’ve painted with linseed oil but this one was done using refined peanut oil. As I love peanut butter I dabbed some of this oil on my tongue. Unfortunately it tastes like some fruit that fell down the back of the fridge freezer a decade ago.