There’s Nothing Left To Say

I painted out the broad shapes in December 2011 and slowly added to it for 12 months.  For months it was pretty much a woman in her pyjamas reading a book then in November I read an article “Ten Signs Its All Over” (at the bottom of this page.)  This gave me an idea to add a bit of narrative to the painting. I placed a man in the background and decided this was the end of the couple’s relationship.

To paint him I just adorned a suit and took a photo of myself using a pen as a cigarette (I even found some braces in my sock pile.) The woman went from reading to keeping her back to the man, taking refuge in the book, ignoring his pleas.

I tend to watch the one film per painting, watching it again and again in the background. I watched Doc Hollywood featuring Michael J. Fox about six times. I also listened to his audio book about coping with Parkinson’s Disease. His quavering voice isn’t just right but you can’t beat his optimism.

10 Signs Its All Over

1. You want different things
When you talk about the future you can’t agree on what you want. Perhaps one of you wants to settle down and have children but the other is keen to travel and put off the responsibilities of family life. If you can’t agree over which direction you’d like the next few years together to take it’s a serious indication that something’s not right.

2. You’ve stopped being intimate
When you first got together you couldn’t keep your hands off each other but lately the sex has waned. In isolation this isn’t a reason to call things off, but it’s important to understand the reasons behind your recent lack of chemistry in the bedroom. If it’s down to stress, hectic schedules and tiredness, you should be able to talk things over and address the problem, but if either one of you is simply not attracted to the other person anymore, it signals a more immediate problem.

3. You constantly fight
In a good relationship the highs should outweigh the lows. A bit of bickering and the odd argument is perfectly healthy and actually encouraged as long as you learn to argue effectively by listening as well as talking. But if it seems that these days all you do is pick holes in one another and disagree, it’s time to address why and consider moving on.

4. Things feel too one sided
If you feel like you’re the only one making an effort for the relationship to work it’s time to confront your other half to find out why they’re not pulling their weight. A relationship needs two people to make it work. If one of you isn’t fully invested in the partnership, it is doomed to failure.

5. You’re bored
After the honeymoon period, most relationships settle into some kind of comfortable routine, however you should never mistake boredom for comfort. If your partner no longer stimulates you in the way they used to or you can’t remember the last time you actually had fun doing something together it’s a sign of boredom. If you’ve already tried shaking things up to resuscitate your relationship and are still left feeling underwhelmed it’s time to admit defeat make the break.

6. You’re rarely in touch
Back in the good old days there was a constant dialogue between you. Regular phone calls, texts back and forth, emails detailing what you had for lunch, Facebook messenger chats about your favourite music. Of late you’ve started screening calls and setting your Instant Messanger setting to ‘invisible’n . And when your other half does manage to get in touch you’re filled with a feeling of mild irritation rather than excitement. Time to admit it was fun while it lasted.

7. You just know
Human instinct is a powerful thing. However much you might want things to work and no matter how hard you try to push aside feelings of doubt and dismiss the notion that there’s something wrong, you just know in your gut that things aren’t working out. Do the clever thing and give-in to your powers of self-preservation. Bring things to a proper close rather than clinging to something you know deep down just doesn’t feel right.

8. You no longer feel respected
Respect is a massively important part of any relationship. Both parties should hold each other in high esteem for love to flourish. Physical or verbal abuse obviously signal a lack of respect but emotional abuse is trickier to spot. If your partner constantly puts you down in front of others, is dismissive of your opinions and generally does not seem to value you as a friend let alone as a lover, it’s game over for sure.

9. You’re starting to hate the things you liked about them
Those dimples you once called adorable have suddenly become plain ugly. You used to laugh at their jokes but now you just find their quips and anecdotes rub you up the wrong way and you’re not sure why. Sadly being continually and irrationally irritated by your partner is a sure fire sign that the relationship is headed for meltdown.

10. You have more fun when you’re apart
While it’s important for every couple to spend quality time apart, if you find yourself increasingly craving alone time or wanting to go out with friends just to avoid spending time together as a couple, you need to address just what’s fuelling these aversion tactics. Spending time together as a couple should lift your spirits and cement the bond between you - not bring you down. It’s a clear signal that something’s wrong.