Most of my dreadful paintings end
up in the attic or on the plate rack in the back lounge where the snooker table
sprawls. While playing a frame with my dad he asked why there were no
snooker-related paintings so I did one. Here it is.
I just laid out a few balls to get a sense of perspective, drew it out
on the canvas and jumped in. As there were no faces or fingers to paint it was
finished quickly. Painting balls round is difficult but you’ve got to have a
try haven’t you?
Part way through my dad suggested a fill the space at the top with a
woman bending over the green baize with tempting cleavage on show (I think that
extra whisky at The New Inn had made him playful.) I must admit the top of the
canvas was empty so I thought I’d put a woman there. As a chum bought me a
Kylie Minogue life-size cardboard cut-out I decided to use this as a guide.
So what about the title? With the pocket near the lady’s front bum I was
going to call this Sink The Pink.....yawn....so predictable…but while I was
having a shave the next day I thought of title which sums up the man potting
the pink then coupling up with the lady.
I’ve got Alex Higgin’s autograph. A friend was
on holiday in Malta / Majorca when and Alex was having a meal nearby. It was a
little shocking to see footage of him before he died – a clump of bones in a
bag of skin, addicted to gambling.
I can remember watching live snooker on the television when Bill Werbeniuk split his trousers (and no undies – yuk!), when
Alex Higgins used to lick the ball clean between frames and when the referee
barked “You should be ashamed of yourself!” to someone in the audience who’d
moaned “wwhuuuuurrrrr!” as a player was taking a
crucial shot.
This table cost £550 from someone on ebay. I
think the 8 foot by 4 foot slate was the heaviest thing I’ve had to manoeuver.
When me and a friend went to collect it from a garage it took much longer than
we anticipated. The slate was so heavy we had to borrow bags of sand from the
garden to build a series of steps so we could get it level with the van. Even
though I whack balls just about every day I don’t seem to be improving and my
highest break is still an abysmal 24.
Snooker guff:-
The first
world champion was Joe Davis who won £6.10s in 1927. Now its
£300,000.
If a player is
colour blind the referee shall can tell him the colour
of a ball on request.
When you chalk your cue you’re really rubbing in many different fine
abrasives and there’s no chalk in it.
Balls used to
be made of ivory but from the 1920s synthetic balls started being made. Some
contained elements used to make gunpowder and exploded (they...er...went out of use for some reason.)
A lady called
Frances Anderson dominated the female snooker circuit for 25 years. After her
death the undertaker discovered a mini mamba and declared Frances was a dude.