Two Fried Eggs In A Pan

I listen to Desert Islands Disks on Radio 4 and at the end of the show the guests are asked to pick one object to take with them to the desert island. One man picked a painting called Old Woman Frying Eggs. I'd never heard of it and looked it up and upon seeing it my eyes immediately fell on the eggs in the pan. This painting is intricate when you zoom into it - the sheen on the pewter pans, the creases in the clothes, the wizened hands. All fine details but your eyes go straight to the eggs.

I thought I'd have a go at painting some eggs. I've had a round canvas lying around in my bedroom for a long time and thought it would serve as a pan. One evening I painted in the basic shapes of the eggs using acrylics. The next morning I thought that at least they looked like eggs so I got out the oil paints and added some details - the air bubbles, those disgusting crispy bits (which I always cut off) and a some olive oil sloshing in the pan. Lacking details it was soon it was done. An average hen lays 300 to 325 eggs a year and each one carries about 70 calories.

Old Woman Frying Eggs was painted 400 years ago and is in a gallery in Edinburgh if you want to see it. I tried to find a photo of the grave of the painter Diego Velazquez but it's been lost. He died of a fever and was buried in the vault of a church in Fuensalida in Spain (his wife joined him eight days later) but the church was destroyed by the French and the location of his resting place has been lost. At least the painting still exists (painted when Diego was only 18 years old.)

This may suit your kitchen. I'm afraid I'll have to charge £16,200 for it. High on aniseed balls I gave away my car to a tramp and I need to buy a new one. The car was only worth £200 but there was Louis XVI bed headboard worth £16,000 in the boot (it's still got blood-tinged teeth marks in the wood.) I can mail it off tomorrow after I've stroked my neighbour's furry Chinchilla.