Two Women In Blue Dresses Beating Up Man


Years ago I was one of those people who could get dodgy DVDs. The internet was less advanced and DVDs were in vogue for a decade. I used to order 300 blank DVDs at a time and was forced to buy shelving to bear the growing collection. One day trading standards gave me a tap on the shoulder (rather than a random raid - phew) and my car was almost doing a wheelie when I transferred my stash elsewhere. However I soon stopped as DVD’s were coming to the end of their reign. I often wondered who grassed me up and I concluded my supplier “Slashing Blade” had been raided. I never knew who he was - I put the money in an anonymous bank account and the DVDs arrived in the post (smelling of garlic.)


I did all the usual boxset stuff - Blackadder, Miami Vice, Friends, etc. as well as the current films and music. I also did the “artistic visual documentaries for lonely males with urges” (porn). I remember Too Big For His Bitches and Killed By Juggernaut Jugs were popular ones. Often a chum would say something like, “A friend has done me a favour - cleared my gutters - and won’t take any payment so can I buy some adult DVDs for him.” I was heartened by how many people did favours for their friend and were paid in ‘art’ films.


Some lads in the factory ordered some. An Asian lad asked if I could get films featuring Asian women wearing nurse uniforms and wearing tights (not stocking but tights.) Another asked if I could get films featuring women in a shower forcing her soapy love globes up against the glass shower screen (I had to watch whole 9452 collection to find one.) A likeable man in the factory, Grumpy, was very honest and told me what films he wanted: real women with stretch marks and a few fat flaps, not plastic American Pamela Anderson types. I did him Council House Honies featuring some screaming slappers in ill-lit cramped bedrooms (a woman vomited and then carried on.) He said what really unfolded his mamba was seeing women beating men up - could I get stuff on DVD? I never forgot this request but was unable to help. I could source weird stuff off “Slashing Blade” like poltergeist appearances, executions, but the nearest DVDs I could get were hours of illegal gypsy and hooligan fights.


I never forgot this request probably as I couldn’t fulfil it. I’ve had to paint it instead – here it is. I’m not sure who would want this on their wall (I would) but if I bump into Grumpy in ASDA again I think I’ll have to take his address and let him have the painting to hang in his toilet.


The painting went well though I struggled to break the back of it for some reason. It started off easily and I hit a bit of a brick wall. Though it took about seven hours to paint this was done over about seven months. One day I dropped it while putting it on a shelf to dry and the blue paint of the women’s dresses spread across the whole painting. I got some White Spirit on it but this removed too much paint and I had to do the legs again.






Belle just wants to get away from it…