Years ago I was one of those people who
could get dodgy DVDs. The internet was less advanced and DVDs were in vogue for
a decade. I used to order 300 blank DVDs at a time and was forced to buy
shelving to bear the growing collection. One day trading standards gave me a
tap on the shoulder (rather than a random raid - phew) and my car was almost
doing a wheelie when I transferred my stash elsewhere. However I soon stopped
as DVD’s were coming to the end of their reign. I often wondered who grassed me
up and I concluded my supplier “Slashing Blade” had been raided. I never knew
who he was - I put the money in an anonymous bank account and the DVDs arrived
in the post (smelling of garlic.)
I did all the usual boxset stuff - Blackadder,
Miami Vice, Friends, etc. as well as the current films and music. I also
did the “artistic visual documentaries for lonely males with urges” (porn). I
remember Too Big For
His Bitches and Killed By Juggernaut
Jugs were popular ones. Often a chum would say something like, “A friend
has done me a favour - cleared my gutters - and won’t take any payment so can I
buy some adult DVDs for him.” I was heartened by how many people did favours for
their friend and were paid in ‘art’ films.
Some lads in the factory ordered some. An Asian lad asked if I could
get films featuring Asian women wearing nurse uniforms and wearing tights (not
stocking but tights.) Another asked if I could get films featuring women in a
shower forcing her soapy love globes up against the glass shower screen (I had
to watch whole 9452 collection to find one.) A likeable man in the factory,
Grumpy, was very honest and told me what films he wanted: real women with
stretch marks and a few fat flaps, not plastic American Pamela Anderson types.
I did him Council House Honies featuring some screaming slappers in ill-lit
cramped bedrooms (a woman vomited and then carried on.) He said what really
unfolded his mamba was seeing women beating men up - could I get stuff on DVD?
I never forgot this request but was unable to help. I could source weird stuff
off “Slashing Blade” like poltergeist appearances, executions, but the nearest
DVDs I could get were hours of illegal gypsy and hooligan fights.
I never forgot this request probably as I couldn’t fulfil it. I’ve had
to paint it instead – here it is. I’m not sure who would want this on their
wall (I would) but if I bump into Grumpy in ASDA again I think I’ll have to
take his address and let him have the painting to hang in his toilet.
The painting went well though I struggled to
break the back of it for some reason. It started off easily and I hit a bit of
a brick wall. Though it took about seven hours to paint this was done over
about seven months. One day I dropped it while putting it on a shelf to dry and
the blue paint of the women’s dresses spread across the whole painting. I got
some White Spirit on it but this removed too much paint and I had to do the
legs again.
Belle just wants to get away from it…