Will You Strip For Me?

A few years ago a friend told me his wife had never had flowers bought for her - ever. A few months went by and he bought her a bouquet for£1.99 from a garage forecourt. The reception was quite poor - she meant a big bouquet from a flower shop. A few more months went passed and he spent £30 on a bouquet of mixed flowers. Bullseye - she loved it.

He told her she had never done a striptease for him - ever. She flatly refused saying it was never going to happen and wasn’t even comfortable undressing in front of him. She compromised by wearing no underwear when they had his parents round for a meal. Years passed and upon one of his birthdays they went out for a meal. They returned home and he changed into his pyjamas and came downstairs to watch the news on television. His wife called him from the kitchen and when he went in she was stood on the kitchen table. The main light was switched off but the strip lights under the cupboards bathed the room in a dim light.

She had put on Roxy Music’s Avalon and prodded a finger at him, “Sit there!” He sat pinned to the chair she had pulled out from the table and positioned a few feet away. I suppose most men about to see a strip would squat on a running chain saw if they had to, never mind a chair. He proceeded to watch her doing a slow dance and strip. He said she executed it with such fluid ease he wondered about getting her to work at a lap-dancing club (but chose not to suggest this - just in case it didn’t go down favourably.)

The three mesmerising minutes were punctuated by her saying “that roller blind had better not go up” (they had a roller blind which had a habit of shooting up unexpectedly) and him having to remove clothing which had landed in the heap of cat food. This heady vignette continued into the lounge where they entangled themselves on the couch. Cold water was soon poured on events when his wife rolled off the couch onto the floor gashing her temple on the corner of the coffee table. The moment was over but the memory still lingers.

Here is a painting of a striptease nature. I did it in about three hours. It’s quite sparse and besides the leg and man there wasn’t much to work on. I was going to add some furniture or a mantle-piece or window but thought it might steal some of the attention from that leg. I had to work on that man a bit. I hastily painted in a face and I saw a scary-looking heavy doughy face like Winston Churchill’s. With a thin brush I quickly turned him into cool dude. What’s more cool than wearing sunglasses indoors. It’s so cool its hot.

Extras...