Don't Accept Drinks From Men Or You'll Wake Up Bleeding!


A friend of mine told me she was 16 when she visited London for the first time. She went to watch a Take That concert with three friends. Her mum was apprehensive about the girls being left to their own devices on the four day city break. One evening her mum drove her daughter to the local bus depot where the coach would collect them. Upon seeing no mums were going her apprehension soared. The coach arrived and the driver loaded the cases in the hold-all. As the girls mounted the steps to the coach my friend said her mum shouted, "Don't accept drinks from men or you'll wake up bleeding!" Here is a painting based on this warning.


Oddly this one proceeded well from the start. As usual I brushed in the basic shapes using fast-drying acrylic paint. This normally prefaces repainting with oil paint but it looked well enough to negate this need. In the end I didn't use any oil paint at all. Wanting to bring out the woman's frock I loaded the brush with extra paint and applied it. It created creases on the dress. I added some brighter tones on the right of the dress to show some light and add depth. I kept telling myself to start applying oil paints but resisted. Things reached a level I was satisfied with so I left it. I added a few drinks which seemed to finish the painting.


This painting reminds me of a woman I saw in a hotel bar in London. I was staying at the big Britannia hotel in the Docklands and thought I'd have a wander around. There was an attractive Chinese woman on a high stool at the bar with three men in close proximity. She was wearing a short dress and her tights-encased legs crosses. The dress was so short you could see the black horizontal band above the thigh area. She looked inebriated - they all did. I went for a walk around the area to marvel at the sky-scrapers and then to the shop for milk. Upon returning I looked into the bar area again to see the Chinese woman had somehow toppled off the stool and was now flat on her back and semi-conscious.


This painting will join many others in the attic. It's bigger size means the spiders could use it as a football field. However you could buy it to line the bottom of your gerbil's cage. It's just 32,682. I'm a little short as I was driving along the motorway and had costly accident. I was bored enough to tip back my head and place a Cadbury's Creme Egg on each egg. The plan was to slowly tip my head forward and catch each egg on my tongue and eat it. I mastered it but I nearly choked while chewing those eggs (you know how rich they are) and crashed into a police car. The courts ordered me to buy a new police car (32,682.) The judge was intrigued to see if I could carry out the egg trick in court and was so impressed he didn't issue any fines.