Woman Running Away From Rat

One wintry Sunday morning I went to a B&Q store for some paint. I was parked on one of those vile retail estates that attend every town which has a population of more than twenty people. It had been snowing so as I thought I’d do a few cool skids as I drove diagonally across the vast half-empty car parks.

It’s difficult to look cool in a red Postman Pat van (Suzuki Wagon R+) so I eventually headed to the car park exit. I passed a man and lady on the pavement. Suddenly she let out a scream and started running. Had the man hit her or seriously offended her? No, I saw a brown fluffy vole darting across the snow near her. As it kept changing direction it only looked momentarily as though it was chasing her. It couldn’t flea the shrieking woman fast enough.

Here is the scene. The woman shown has dropped her handbag but in reality I only saw the woman drop a bunch of keys. Also in this painting the woman is wearing matching handbag and hat but I don’t think the woman was even wearing one.

There’s a fast-food van always parked outside B&Q and though I don’t eat meat it always emits a flavoursome smell (vegetarian hotdogs taste like net curtains.) So…for some reason I thought I’d paint a hotdog flying from the woman’s hand. I mixed a bit of bright red paint and put some tomato ketchup on the hotdog.

I was visiting my old secondary school once and a blur shot passed me. I followed it and found it was a rat. Here it is.